I am currently super pissed off. SUPER pissed off. I have assignments piling up and due in a days or 2 days time and my family is not helping.

My parents got me a phone. And they keep going on about how I’m not grateful for it. First point, I’m too tiredto be grateful. Second, I did not ask for it. Honestly, I did not. I didn’t even know they were buying one when suddenly they were in the mall and called me and declared oh, they were buying a phone for me when I was already fine with my older brothers phone. Their reason was cause they pitied me. Well, if they had bought it for me out of pity, don’t go all, ‘You never have to ask anything and we give it to you and we never asked anything back. You’re so lucky.’ If it as once or twice I’m fine but this is even with a hint of arrogance. Then don’t get me a phone la!

Then there’s the chores thing. My mum expects me to help her cook and you know, she expects me to telephatically know when she is cooking. She complains at all times that I never come down to help. I do. But when I do, she’s not there in the kitchen. Or already 3/4 done with cooking. If we had a specific meal time at least I’d know but we dont! Then the other day I was all pent up with stress cause I had to go to the bank, register for exams and head to college for a meeting and so I asked my brothers to help me buy food for dinner cause I really had no time to buy plus, it was raining so business will be slower. Their response? Older bro said he didn’t know how to buy food. Lil bro said he hated to go out and buy food. YOU THINK I LIKE MEH?! So, begrudgingly, I went out to buy and throughout dinner I sat with a bad mood, quickly finished up food and went up to do work. I didn’t even care if the food was enough (I think not).

Then the last straw was when I was doing my assignment earnestly and my older bro was passing by. He uttered something to me which honestly, I don’t know how to answer.

“Why bother working so hard when you’ll do badly anyway?”

It has only been two days in uni and everything is becoming hectic. I’m glad that for once, I’m not caught up in the great whirlwind but, well, lots of things have happened in the span of this 2 days. I think I made a friends cry and I bet she blames me wholly and entirely and well, the others are just how philosophical people have become. I mean, as compared to our sem 1 days when all our troubles were pushed behind easily, now people are thinking so deeply, me included. You see people brooding and then they ask me questions that I myself do not know how to answer but I guess, I think, I tried my best to answer my own opinion. It’s sad to see relationship between friends change, yes, I think everyone in the college is experiencing so, the changes in people they group up with and hang out with. I’m glad I’ve stuck through and through with the people I’m comfortable with. In short, I’m blessed. But some are not. It’s sad to see friends fight and admit that relationships are THAT fragile. When I was importing my past posts to this blog, there was the post where I felt touched when people persuaded me not transfer uni. I wonder what happened to the bond those people held. Maybe it’s not the fault of the people but more of the uni. The uni is becoming a super bitch right now. My uni is a breeding hole of kiasuness. And the uni isn’t exactly helping us. What is this shit. I don’t want to go to great lengths just in case said uni starts googling and somehow comes to this blog.

I don’t know anymore.

I don’t know whether this sem has gotten off to a good or bad start. At times I feel like screaming out loud about how I just don’t bloody know. Sometimes I wish I could just lock myself away from other people. Sometimes I wished I was just an introverted person who doesn’t give a damn about the world. But I’m selfish. I’m egotistical. I worry about how other people perceive me as. But sometimes things just seem right.

Then there’s my family. I’m blessed to not have any family problems but you know what’s worse than being a middle child? It’s when your brothers admit that you do suffer from middle child syndrome. I know my mum doesn’t listen to me as much. I know I’m singled out. And I’m sick of it. I want to tell my mum off but because she’s my mum. I can’t. Thankfully my siblings care for me so it somewhat makes up cause they’ll tell me mum about how she was being unfair. But siblings to have a line they can’t cross. So I have to listen to my mum’s complaints about how useless I am and I’m sick of it. I know I’m stupid. I know I’m lazy. I know I just don’t listen. I know I know I know I know I know I know. You don’t have to repeat it all the time. And, yes, you do repeat it all the time.

But you know, even as I type this whole thing full of crap, the one thing I’m most worried about is my logbook. Ergh. Shall go stare at word and try to vomit nonsense. I forgot when I had this one bloody meeting. I don’t know why I didn’t write it down. It amazes me that I didn’t write it down. I am so amazing! And tomorrow I’m going to watch inception (again) with an friend I haven’t seen in AGES! And she’s gonna feed me choco! Yeap, I shall console myself with work and friends :)

EDIT : And when I read other people’s blog it makes me feel bloody guilty saying that my mum loves me when she does but sometimes she just get’s too much. Thankfully I have wonderful cousins :) Who also think my mum is at times, too much but non the less. I still love my mum. If I didn’t, I would have snapped back long ago.

Anyway, back to the topic. My mum is drilling ‘architecture is so much better than advertising’ on me right now. If only she knew if she wanted me to take architecture, I would happily take it. One really bad excuse which really stabs me is when she, well actualy everyone mentions how architecture is a professional job. Who decided this? Yea fine, it is technical and yea it’s tough to get through the whole thing but who decided this it’s a professional thingy? Just cause you’re a graphic designer that’s not PROFESSIONAL. Is it THAT easy. Do people look down on it THAT much?

In my opinion people take stuff like Graphic Design, Culinary Arts, Hospitality so on so forth for granted. Why? Cause it sounds so easy. Everyone can do it! Everyone can just open photoshop click here click there and wala! Everyone can just open their fridges, hammer here, fry there and wala. Just cause you CAN use photoshop, you CAN cook and you CAN be a good hospitality person, it doesn’t mean you have the rights to earn the qualification. Hospitality isn’t such a small thing! The only difference is what and how you are going to earn big bucks.

A professional career or so they call it are usually jobs which usually have a secure future. Doctors for example. Everyone knows doctors earn big bucks. Does that mean copywriters can’t earn big bucks?! Architecture. You can just design a building and whether your client likes it or not it’s up to them whether they wanna demolish it and waste more money or what. You just need to say ‘Oh, it’s impossible to do that design’ and if they don’t listen, whatever. That’s what some architectures tell me. But in the end, you earn big bucks. For these ‘unprofessional’ careers, big bucks come in when you really work hard.

As a graphic designer, it’s up to your skill. If you are really cool and awesome you will go far. Is that easy to achieve?! NO. Lawyers, you can list a whole list, some really popular ones. EVERYONE knows them. Some make fun of them. Do you hear about graphic designers? Who are the ones behind all the ads? DOCTORS?! Just cause the job SEEMS easy, not EVERYONE can do it.

Like in the movies Ratatouille, everyone can cook, but not everyone can.. something. So I really feel kinda… I dunno… uneasy when people view graphic design, mass com, culinary arts, hotel management, and quantity surveying as an ‘everyone can do it’ thing.

Bottom line, I guess I shall take architecture for it’s technical. I agree advertising/graphic design would be a hard job to live on. After getting maybe a degree in architecture I’ll take advertising/grtaphic design. Then work as a graphic designer. If that doesn’t work, I can always opt for being an architecture. I guess I just don’t have the confidence sometimes. What if I’m not good enough as a graphic designer?

I have always thought of taking graphic design but talking to people who have gotten through their studeies, I though okay, take advvertising with graphic as minor/2nd major. Advertsing sounds so not posh eh? Graphic Design sounds like such a small field eh? People think so many negative points about them. Graphic is a pretty wide field. You can go to fashion, ads, buntings, bus wrap, so many other stuff. When you’re in architecture, you’re stuck with buildings. I dunno anymore… I’m sticking with my plan whatever. like people said, I’m young. I have so much time. Use it. So technically, if I keep this up I won’t get married till I’m near 30 or something! Will I even have the time to find a boyfriend?!

On another planet, my winamp has recorded that I have listened to Oretachi no joy 2598 times =D Let’s not go into Goku’s song and Yama’s song. Also, my mum just got a new car. Just for me to destroy~ Which reminds me, she got her last car the year my older broother was finally legal to get a driving licence! Is she doing this on purpose. Which also reminds me! My father does that too!!! My father getting a new car soon too! XD

ShouldI really take architecture…?
I’m so confused…
If so.. what about physics? ERGH! >.<
Sorry, I’m just so down right now.
Architecture? Interior or exterior?
It’s a 5 year course
Should I give it a try?
What if I fail?
What if… What if…
Oh my GAWD! T_T